is it bad i want you to just die. cause my life will be a lot easier after that i promise. so i think that makes it justified.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don’t know what to do
you really kinda suck right now….and im sad. :(
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
im kind of mad that I dont get as excited when I go to hang out with you anymore…This always happens. with everyone.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it’s her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that’s what she is being.
I’m sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I’m making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn’t be high while eating those tacos.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
"I’ll be there in five minutes. If i’m not. read this again."
is it ever gonna be enough?
im pretty sure you two are gonna have the ugliest babies too.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i wish you would just put yourself in my suitcase. i miss you. im going back home to the west coast.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
with really small belly buttons freak me out…
like the ones that looks as if its just a slit in the skin and not like a hole…
i know im weird.
Just bought a bong with my Amex Gold card; Does that make me an adult or just a stoner with a good job?
She’s singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
bahahahahhahahaaha this is so funny
Met this girl last night. She was wasted! Put my # in her phone as “Mom” then sent her a 5 pg text telling her how disappointed I was of her
The only thing i remember about last night was u throwing up on my ex three times. I. Love. You.
all i want in the world right now is some fucking ice cream and pickles!
trying to finish the whole tray of jello shots before the cops walked back in the house was not the smartest idea
hahahahahaha i would do this.
I just busted the front headlight trying to use my car to push the porch door shut because I was too drunk to get out myself
The kid sitting next to me brought a forty with him. Class has never been classier…
I would slap a hoe:
so I am pretty sure she thought about Robert Pattinson while we were getting it on.. she said “you could suck my blood anyday”.. wtf!?
U know the night is a success when an 11-year-old calls you a “douchebag” for cutting in line for the Harry Potter movie.
I can not type today….
You check your phone, because you have nothing to contribute to the conversation.
Wait for the right time to say something, you get interrupted. Twice
Someone you vaguely know is walking in front of you. You maintain distance.
Hold the door for some. They’re slightly too far away.
Someone comes online, you say “hey”, they go offline.
You go in for the high-five. Other person isn’t looking.
Accidentally look someone in the eye. Pretend to look past them.
You say something stupid. You play it down, but everyone sees your face going red.
You say “hi” to someone. It comes out as a whisper.
Your friends formed a circle while you were gone. You can’t fit and end up standing slightly askew.
Waiting by yourself for friends. Pretend you’re texting.
You tell a hilarious joke. Nobody laughs.
You’re in class and you want to cough. Some other person just coughed, now you have to wait.
Walk into the restrooms and the stalls are full; pretend you only came here to wash your hands then leave.
The person in front is walking slightly slower than you are. You walk at an uncomfortable speed to get past them.
I am just going to shoot myself in the fucking face right now for real…